SANA

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Yung gustong gusto mo siya kaso sa takot mo na ma bull shit ng sarili mong nararamdaman pinipilit mong pina paalala na mag kaibigan lang kayo.

Kaso paano ko gagawin yun nang nabigyan ako nang pagkakataong makasama ka bawat minuto na nasa gilid lang kita, mga mata nating nagkakasalubong at naiiwan ako sa pagtitig sa mata mo habang nagkukwento ka. Mga kamay at braso nating hindi sinasadyang magkadikit. Mga ngiti at tawanan natin na sana wala ng katapusan. Mga paglalakad naten na panatag ako nandiyan ka.

Yung may kasamang sana sa panalangin mo. Na sana hindi na matapos ang araw na ito. Na sana mabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na makita at makasama hindi lang ngayon ngunit hanggang bukas at susunod pang araw. Na sana kaw nalang ang para saken.

Masaya siguro yung mga sana na yun. Pero baka hanggang sana nalang siya. Ipag papabahala ko nalang kay bathala ang aking nararamdaman.

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I like you and I really do

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How are you? Can we go out just like before?  I want to see you. I like you.
I miss you.

If only those words are easiest to utter I would say it in a second to you. Unluckily, I can’t and I won’t say it. It’s not that i don’t want to tell you this words but I can like you and that’s it. Hesitations perhaps hindering me.

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When we started going out I knew that your giving me a spark that I would love to ignite. We are both introverts but where you get the strength to invite me to hang out because don’t you know I’ve fallen for those times I am with  you. Sadly, I don’t have a strong heart to tell you this.

Don’t you know the adrenaline your giving me when I saw that you send me a message in facebook, a surprise text saying “wanna hang out”. And when we say it is JUST YOU AND ME.

Its amazing that the heart makes no noise when it cracks. So when my heart broke because of you it was only me who knew it. Only myself knew when and how it will heal.

So I will just pretend nothing happened. Easy as that.

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Learning the hard way

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When your trying to move on from a slight heart broken and guess what I am back to this feeling. Oh hi to you its been a while. Its been a while that I felt this and I’m uncertain how and when I it will end.

One day it just came along after you read his comment about liking someone which is not definitely you. That very moment was like you were struck by something you don’t know but its hurting you much.

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So I started realizing things like was my expectation didn’t met that’s why I am hurting. Most definitely that’s the reason why.

And yes it hurts like hell. Like your trying to be normal everyday with all of your routines but only just a second you missed and all the memories came back. You cant help yourself but to always check if he sent you a message in FB only to find out nothing was there or what was his status and see “oh he looks fine”. I’m trying to feed again those memories we had before and asking why we can’t be.

I need to move forward and accept that its just for friendship. Remove all your expectation and throw it somewhere else. And once I learned it maybe the hard way then I can meet you again face to face.

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Just a secret

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“And this will be a secret for the two of us” It may take probably tons of trust at first, but hell yeah once I’m comfortable with you you will love it.

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My Introvert Man

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“I don’t even know why I like you. But I just do.”

Will I stay with the norm that introverts for extroverts, or I can defy that introverts can be for introverts too.

Should I answer on the latter part as YES with passion , MAYBE with apprehension or NO with conviction.

Yes indeed I’m liking him. His an introvert and that’s what I like him the most. I can understand how probably his normal days work, how his mind thinks, what will work what is not those stuffs that myself experience on a daily living as well. That probably excites me to know him more, I would like to know how far we can move.  Are we that able?

However I can’t open up still myself to him. Wish its easy to say that “Hey I like you” not because I’m shy, it is for the reason that it might drain us, it might not excites us. Getting my point?. Can we sustain the thought of us liking each other. I don’t know.

I’m hopeless romantic every time I think probably we can, my thoughts of us together elates me. We can can enjoy being “alone together”

However my “What ifs” eat me up. What if his attracted with girls that are outgoing? Is he already comfortable with me (which I know critical with us introverts) and hundredths as follows. Well just my thoughts.

If this will be another milestone of my journey finding my one then I’ll just have this stamped in my hippocampus. Lol!

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#ImBack

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Hi to 2016. Im back!

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Lee JongSuk Happy Birthday

이종석 Oppa! Happy Birthday
(Hoping you can read this in future time since I cant write in hangul) I really really like you. I was watching several korean dramas and I find you as an exception, superb and charismatic. God gaven you so much talent and you were able to use it properly. Your a great actor indeed.. Wishing you best!
Saengil Chukhamnida!

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