I’m Tired (Just for now)

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Is it okay if just for one day I’ll get tired of my high hopes in every situation.
That positivity is always the answer.
My positivity fights so much that it got beaten always by the negativity.

My positivity always cheers me up but there’s always this negativity lingering besides that pulls it down.

Heaven knows I’m trying always my best not to hope for bad ones but it ends that it is not still enough.

I know I am not an enemy of my own self. That I must be the one who will defend it the most. But its tiring at some point in the same way that I should not give up.

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Minsan

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Minsan naalala kita bigla.
Doon sa parte na nasaktan ako ng malala.
Naalala uli ng puso ko ang eksatong pait na nadama na matagal ng napakawalan.
Ngunit bahagyang nagpumilit atang nagpapaalala. Pero huwag kang magalala isa lang ang sigurado ako na malaya na tayo sa ganap ng isat isa.

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Nandito lang ako para sayo

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Gustong gusto kitang hagkan at yakapin ngunit wala akong nagawa kundi ang titigan ang iyong mga mata na binabalot ng mugto at luha.

Sinantabi ang sakit ng nakaraan ng nabatid ko sa iyong mga mata ang lungkot na pumawi sa lahat.

Gusto kong sambitin ang mga salitang huwag kang mag alala andito lang ako ngunit ata ibubulong ko nalang ito sa hangin.

Gusto kitang hagkan at yakapin upang malaman mong hindi ka nag iisa sa yugtong ito ngunit hanggang pagtitig nalang sa mata mo ang mainam na kaparaanan aking magagawa.

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Ano ang nangyari?

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Ano ang nangyari?
Bakit natapos?
Paano nagtapos?

Mga tanong na walang eksaktong sagot.

Naguumpisa at nagtatapos ang araw na hindi ka lumilisan sa aking kaisipan. Paulit ulit kong iniitindi at tinatanggap na walang karampatang sagot sa aking mga tanong.

Hindi ko mawari na hanggang dito nalang pala tayo na kahit pag kakaibigan hindi magiging wasto.
Hinihiling ko ang mga kasagutan ngunit alam kong hangin lang ang nakarinig nito.

Parang isang magandang panaginip ko nalang syang iisipin na sa pag gising ay kailangan mo nang tapusin upang makabalik sa totoong mundong ginagalawan natin.

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Open letter for my Introvert man

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Bibitawan ko na ang lahat ng posibilidad na magkakatagpo pa tayo ulit. Takot pala yung naramdaman ko nung una kaya paulit ulit akong nakahawak sayo sa pag asang baka ikaw na. Kaya pala naranasan ko ang sakit sa pagpapanatili noon.
Im finally letting go of that fear, come what may but I need to let go of every possibilities that I’ll be seeing you again. I will understand and accepts if this means never again.

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Bute pa sa panaginip

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Nagising ako isang araw pero  parang gusto kong ulit umidlip dahil doon lang kita nakita.
Gusto kong umidlip ulit dahil doon lang kita nakausap.
Gusto kong umidlip ulit dahil doon lang kita nayakap at nahagkan.
Gusto kong umidlip ulit dahil doon ko lang naramdaman na may nadadama ka din para saken.

Sabi ng iba pag napaginipan mo ang isang tao lagi mo daw naiisip. Sa bagay totoo naman dahil di ako makawala sa pag ibig ko para sayo. Kahit anong pilit at paintindi ko sa sarili ko na tama na, mas gusto ng puso at utak kong isipin ka.
Minsan nakakapagod, nakakatanga, nakakainis. Dahil wala ka naman magawa kung hindi isipin lang siya.

Pero minsan gusto ko nalang din na ganito na kahit panaginip lang, dahil nararamdaman ko nang ilang segundo ang realidad na dapat para saten.

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Because I don’t have a love story to tell

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Is love story defines as a story of two people crazy madly in love with each other? A Relationship? Two way romantic melodrama?

I think that’s how love story is perfectly defined. If that is the case then should I say don’t have a love story to tell?

It was always a one sided love. Started from knowing the basics of him. We got to know each other and friendship starts. I fell for his uniqueness and started to keep it as a secret within myself. That’s were the sleepless nights starts. When I am trying to build scenes on my mind with him but fighting the feeling because I’m afraid that its only me building it and might not happen. Somehow confusion starts and I am in between of friends or lovers? Too weak to say things how amazing the fire burning in my heart every time I am with you.

Scared to tell the truth pretention starts. Pretend like nothing, pretend that we normally good as friends and keeping the composure of no emotions. That’s when hurt and pain came along. At first I was not aware why I am feeling those stabbing pricking fucking pain and I realized it was because I like you that much but don’t have a strong heart to tell you everything. He was giving me mixed signals but won’t proceed.

And I was stuck alone. In a dark empty feeling. Trying to move on but was hard because it was not clear why I am moving on.

Well pretty similar to any love story only difference it was only my story not OUR STORY. So is it safe to say that I don’t have a love story to tell?

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